you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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