can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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