All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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