It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You ruined the universe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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