ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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