and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i think my cat just said my name.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
