You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
