dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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