i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
