Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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