So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize