I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
