somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
