My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
