what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
