just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize