Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize