Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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