me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
