I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
