these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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