I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
