Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
