worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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