Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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