due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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