Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
