There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are we still banned from the library?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
