apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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