so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
