Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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