I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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