I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
