i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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