This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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