I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they're like a gay fantastic four
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
