ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He better not be in your backpack
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
