You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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