just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
