Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
