Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize