a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
