i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
