So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
