i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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