How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
