If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
