I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
