I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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