Quick, to the slutcave!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
