the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
