um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize