just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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