She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
