So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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