mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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