id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
