You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a search helicopter?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize