one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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