You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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