Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
