he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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